[2005-05-03] - [6:21 p.m.]
[one day down, three (well, two & half) to go!]
[Today was random to say the least! I need to get Lexi to remind me of all the random things we did, such random people what we are. *rolls eyes* Oooh, and we did two science papers today. The first was okay, pretty easy but the second one totally went wrong. For the first half hour of the exam, I was VERY distracted. Meh, how was I to know that a certain someone was gonna be invigilating?! It is so not fair... And moving onto the random-ness for today..
Well, at lunch me & Lexi pissed Carole off muchos because we wouldn't stop knocking over her bottle & was hilarious! You had to be there to appreciate the funny. And then after school, me, Lexi & Sarah went out with Sarah's 'big scary dog', Gemma. I had to go on a lead because I'm a naaaughty doggy! :( And also because I had no dog to walk; I offered to walk my cat but Gem would have eaten it! So I went on Gem's lead & Lexi walked me... Oooh, random! :D And then Sarah had to take Gem home for food - that dog is governed by her stomach! *nods*
Thoughts for the day:
Okay, this is weird but this diary doesn't feel private anymore. I know it was never private as such, anyone with the address could come & read it & I'd never know but somehow it's different now Lexi has an account & reads it. It feels insecure, like she knows all my thoughts, thoughts I don't want people to know. I want to stay hidden behind my wall, I want to be protect by this barrier of safety I've spent forever & a day creating for myself so no one on the outside could touch me. It feels strange having someone from school reading my thoughts, knowing my innermost fears & loves. Maybe I won't write as much as before, it doesn't feel right anymore.
And another thought for the day because I'm feeling generous. This is a picture Lexi sent me last night, & I shall attempt to comment on it. Although it won't stay on topic.
True, punk is a state of mind. But my state of mind? Perhaps, but I don't think so. Inside my head, I think most of my thoughts are more goth-ish. Dark, depressing, alone.
Being a punk, sure it's about belonging. All humans have a pyscological fear of being left alone, so they become part of a group. Maybe it also reflects a shit family life, a feeling of not being welcome in your own family? I'm probably reading way too much into this for my own good & I'm way off the subject now. But hey. I have to say, I'm shallow. I like it for the music, for the clothes. Sure, the lyrics do mean something to me, I can understand where they're coming from, & for some of them, I can relate. But there's other things in my life, I have my sense of belonging.
& another minor point. I have no idea who is similar to me. & I'm not sure I want to know people similar to me, one messed up mind is enough in my life. Maybe. Perhaps I should stop with all this waffle? I waffle too much, do people actually want to hear all this? I guess so or people wouldn't read my diary...
And that is it for today ladies & gentlemen, so many insights from today! :D
A x]
The Girl: -
Aimz; Fourteen; Crazy; Odd; Sarcastic; Brown Hair; Blue Eyes; Short; Skinny; Accident prone; Clever; Romantic deep down; Paranoid.
Loves: -
Three Days Grace; Simple Plan; Horror Films; Love Films; Any other films; Avril Lavigne; Kelly Clarkson; Green Day; Friends; Mobiles; MSN; The Internet; 'Casualty'; 'Holby City'; Photos.
Hates: -
Most manufactured bands; People who don't try to understand; People who are two-faced; Smoking; Cancer; Getting the blame; Having no money; Rain ruining my eyeliner; Families.