[2005-05-02] - [7:48 p.m.]
[sats in one day & counting]
[Today was boring. *nods* Okay, it wasn't boring but it's Monday, I have SAT's tomorrow! *cries* I went round Lexi's for a while, we revised sooo much! We went on her trampoline a bit cause it was hot & sunny, planned a water fight for Thursday if it stays hot because WE HAVE A HALF DAY! :P Then she tried to get me to tell her the thing, I would say more but she reads this.
I had some very weird thoughts last night. I say everything in this diary, everything (pretty much) that I think, everything in my life goes in this diary yet anyone anywhere could read it. I'm crap at talking to people, yet I pour out my heart & soul in this place. This is the one place I'm probably totally honest, in here is the good, the bad, the very bad & the very very bad. I can read back my old entries, but I don't. I hate reading my diary because...I don't actually know, but I hate reading about myself. If I write an email to M then I don't re-read it at the end to check for spelling mistakes because then I realise how stupid it sounds & don't send it. Which is good & bad I suppose.
And since Lexi asked me today, I'll write down all the people I can blame for me being who I am now, for everything screwed up in my life.
First & foremost, my mom.
Then my dad.
Ellie, although she hasn't done anything wrong as such. But I can blame her & find good reasons for blaming her.
My french teacher, hell I can find a whole hell load of reasons to blame her.
Miss S. I am not writing why she is to blame, but trust me, she is.
M because if I never told him, maybe, maybe I wouldn't be here now, writing this.
Various people at school, for various things said & done. Not naming names.
Random people who don't know me, just because they do TV programs that I don't think they should.
All the people in my life who are never ever around when I need them most, all the fuckers who never listen to me, all those STUPID morons who don't know the meaning of the words 'buggers off.'
Her, but I refuse to feel guilty for anything to do with that, I will not screw my life up anymore because she can't deal. End of.
And that is all the people I can blame, but most of all, I actually blame me. Maybe I blame some people more, but apparently it's normal to look for someone else to blame. I don't think I'm wrong to blame any of these people, I have my reasons & they are perfectly justified. So there. I'm not looking for people to blame for something that is my fault, I'm blaming people for causing the reasons. I would be quite happy if some of these people simply walked out of my life, naming no names.
A x
And because I forgot earlier, Shakespeare, Macbeth, Number 6! Lmao, me & Lexi is too random for our own good & now I am gonna do even worse in my Macbeth paper! *rolls eyes* Lexi, I wasn't bored, okay? Read the 2nd line of my entry. ]
The Girl: -
Aimz; Fourteen; Crazy; Odd; Sarcastic; Brown Hair; Blue Eyes; Short; Skinny; Accident prone; Clever; Romantic deep down; Paranoid.
Loves: -
Three Days Grace; Simple Plan; Horror Films; Love Films; Any other films; Avril Lavigne; Kelly Clarkson; Green Day; Friends; Mobiles; MSN; The Internet; 'Casualty'; 'Holby City'; Photos.
Hates: -
Most manufactured bands; People who don't try to understand; People who are two-faced; Smoking; Cancer; Getting the blame; Having no money; Rain ruining my eyeliner; Families.