[2005-06-16] - [10:24 p.m.]
[shitty fucking bloody stupid options screwed up again]
[Haven't actually got much to say. *shrugs* Got my French test tomorrow. Twenty seven days can feel like a lifetime. I have a feeling that by tomorrow, that twenty seven days will be no more. But I'm trying. If it all goes belly up, I can say I tried. It won't actually mean anything at all to anyone, so I'm trying to keep those twenty seven days in tact. I can do this. I have to keep trying. I won't let her win now, not after I've gotten so far. I should go now. I'm trying to catch an early night, just so I am actually half concious tomorrow.
I want someone I can fall for again. I want some security. I don't want to come home tomorrow & find that she...she... I want to know that it will be okay. I want to change my options. I don't want to be stuck doing triple science (which not only do I hate, I will fail) & history (in a class where I have one friend & the wrong teacher). Fortunatly, I now have the backing of those wonderful people who raised me so fabulously, my parents! There was just a touch of sarcasm there, in case no one got that.
I have done chapter one of my book. Yes, it took me a very long time to write, but I am actually gonna do this properly. This book is mine & mine only. When I finish it, I will probably be like ninety years old, but I will be so proud of it. If I finish it before year eleven, I may use it for my GCSE if it's any good. It won't be, but I can hope, right? *smiles* I hope it is good.
I tried to tell her. It didn't work out. I told myself it was because events conspired against me. I lied to myself. I'm doing that more & more. I'm too scared; scared of what she'll say/do. I will tell her, if only so that I can sit in school not constantly thinking about telling her. It's wearing me out. So many sleepless nights.
A x]
The Girl: -
Aimz; Fourteen; Crazy; Odd; Sarcastic; Brown Hair; Blue Eyes; Short; Skinny; Accident prone; Clever; Romantic deep down; Paranoid.
Loves: -
Three Days Grace; Simple Plan; Horror Films; Love Films; Any other films; Avril Lavigne; Kelly Clarkson; Green Day; Friends; Mobiles; MSN; The Internet; 'Casualty'; 'Holby City'; Photos.
Hates: -
Most manufactured bands; People who don't try to understand; People who are two-faced; Smoking; Cancer; Getting the blame; Having no money; Rain ruining my eyeliner; Families.