[we'll stand forever this way]

[2005-05-05] - [7:30 p.m.]

[diane (holby city fiction)]

[Hm. I said I'd get bored, didn't I? Well, I got bored. So go back one entry to read my other entry...ie: the happy entry. Not the waffle that is my mind most of the time. Take a hint, go read the nice entry! :P
So, where was I? Oh yeah. I feel the need to waffle...or maybe just post my Diane (Holby City) fic. Think I'll do that. This is how last Tuesdays eppi should have ended! *nods* Warning: some slash, may offend.

Diane

Diane walked from Connie’s office, the tears still wanting to spill over, yet she was unable to shed them in public, because of years being scared of showing her emotions. She turned the corner, making sure she was alone before allowing any drops to fall from her pale & watery eyes. She wiped them away, not caring if her carefully applied eyeliner became smudged, nothing mattered anymore except getting away from this place now tinged with memories of Dominic & what-what had happened. Was there nowhere in this life, she wondered, where she could get away from him & his lies & manipulation. Even now he was gone, dead & cold, he was still ruling her life, still controlling her, still at the back of her mind, haunting her sleep at night. His face would peer from every crack, every dark corner, constantly talking her down, making her feel as though she was wrong.
And then that girl, Emma. Diane knew she’d been pushing the girl to help her, maybe she felt as though she could change her life through Emma. She had been wrong, instead of helping the two of them to battle him together, she had caused another death, left another family with a hole in it. She had ruined yet more lives, would he ever stop ruining her life & those around her?
Diane heard footsteps coming round the corner, sharp heels making a clicking noise on the hard, cold floor. She spun to face the person, trying to wipe away the tears, but her red eyes & blurred make up gave away the secrets of a few moments ago.
‘Diane, what is going on?’ asked the clipping voice of Connie Beauchamp, medical director & ice queen of Holby.
‘Nothing,’ sniffed Diane, even worse at lying that usual.
‘Come in my office now,’ ordered Connie, steering Diane round the corner & sitting her down in a chair. ‘Now will you please tell me what is going on here?’ she asked, but it was less of a question; more of a demand.
‘Dominic,’ said Diane, her voice sounding dead & lifeless. ‘He-he… and me…’
She never finished the sentence, left it hanging in mid-air, left unanswered yet the answer was obvious to all.
‘You were an item?’ clarified Connie, sounding almost curious, almost human.
It had never occurred to her that Diane was the sort of girl who had ex’s that haunted her; she simply didn’t act so reckless. She didn’t seem to have a past.
‘Yes,’ whispered Diane, eyes half closed. ‘At med school. I broke it off & he-he raped me!’
The tears flooded down her face, no longer caring that she was sitting in the medical directors office, possibly suspected for murdering her rapist. But Connie did not shout, she did not patronise, she did not make fun of Diane for what she had just said. Her face resembled someone who was actually concerned for Diane.
‘I’m sorry Diane, I had no idea,’ she replied in a voice so soft it could almost be considered emotional. ‘I know I don’t say it much, but I value you as a registrar. Truly.’
Diane simply sobbed, falling into Connie’s open arms.
‘I can’t forget him, I try so hard but he comes back in my dreams, he’s still here, still haunting me.’
Diane’s eyes were widened, like a deer caught in the proverbial headlights. If she had not been so focused on the pain rushing through her as she relived the event again, screaming and trashing against Connie, she might have noticed that the queen of ice was holding her very close, stroking her hair reassuringly.
‘Diane, Diane,’ murmured Connie. ‘It must be so hard… Does Owen know?’
Diane shook her head, straight wisps of hair falling across her face.
‘Only Ric & you know,’ she answered. ‘I told Ric before; he-he was so nice to me about it all. I can’t believe I just told you,’ she added without thinking.
‘Why?’
‘Because-because you’re the person who was never gonna be sympathetic & sweet about it. Guess I got you wrong after all.’
Connie simply held her tight, whispering sweet nothings in her ear, allowing Diane to cry silently, tears falling down her face & splashing onto Connie’s hand, placed on Diane’s lap. Diane barely noticed as Connie planted a gentle kiss upon her head, touching Diane’s hand ever so softly.
Diane glanced up at the medical director as Connie placed a kiss on Diane’s lips.
‘I,’ began Diane, but instead allowed herself to be taken in by Connie’s kiss, drawn to her as a moth to light.
The kiss became deeper, more caring and emotional on both sides, Connie running her hands over Diane’s smart, figure-hugging blouse.
‘I love you,’ declared Connie into Diane’s ear, breaking off the kiss for what was only a moment but seemed like forever to the two women.

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